Is it fair game to call a food blogger a flogger?
Well, are you?
On a quest for the “perfect” fudge meringue cookie?
Obsessed with the avocado?
Challenged by the smallest things in the kitchen?
(I coulda sworn I had a zester in this drawer, now where the f@#!% is it?)
Do you read me? Can you relate? Let’s see: Do you shop for photogenic vegetables? Do you photoshop your dishes? Are you always on the lookout for colorful plates for “props?” Do you buy flowers for the table? Do you religiously follow your recipes? Or do sometimes cheat on the ingredients? Have you ever invented a recipe, then passed it off as a old and treasured family secret? Are you epicurious? Do you Saveur every bite? Do you wish your guests bon appetit? Do you have a passion for cooking? Or do you prefer baking? Do you frost your hair? Or is that frosting in your hair?
Are you a gourmet or a gourmand? Do you travel for food? Do you seek out farmers’ markets the way other people go to parks and museums? Do you know where to eat and drink in New Zealand? Do you ever carry a camera into a restaurant, then ask for an extra special serving just because you’re “writing a blog?” Do you consider yourself a culinary insider? Or do you prefer cooking outdoors? Are you a smoker? Do you keep kosher?
Are you a literary cook? Do you like water for chocolate? Are you a Wild Thing in the Night Kitchen? Have you ever fried green tomatoes? Have you tried green eggs and ham? Do you consider the lobster when steaming? Have you ever wondered what you’d order for breakfast at Tiffany’s? Do you always write the truth? Have you ever dabbled in fiction? Do you know what mystery meat actually is? Do you ever plot your posts?
Do you taste-as-you-bake? Do you lick the beaters? Do you inexplicably put on pounds? Do you have a dog who cleans your floors? Would you experiment with recipes calling for tequila before sunrise? Have you ever mixed yourself a martini in the morning, just to sample it for taste, clarity and “bloggability?” Have you ever started a tempest in a teapot? Do you have strong opinions on brining turkeys? Are you ambivalent or violently opposed to beans? Do you know beans and rice? Have you seasoned all your pans? Do you put your fine silver and crystal into the dishwasher because who really cares? Do you ever want to just stop... and throw in the towel?
Is that a smile on your face? Well, wipe it off. Because I don’t find this funny at all.
Thanks anyway for stopping by.